First Day of School

So school started a week while I was still out of the country and I hated it. I am the type of person who hates being late to class. I'd rather cut my classes than be late. I hate it when you go inside a room late and everyone suddenly quiets down and look at you.

My first day at one of my classes went like this.

I enter the room.

Sit at an empty seat in the back.

Professor asks us to form a group and pass a list of names to him.

Group forms a circle.

Professor starts discussing the lesson.

Blahblahblah something I wont need in the future

15 minutes into the discussion, I realized something is not right..

Check my schedule.

Oh my fucking god..

Mind stopped functioning, humiliation rising

I stood up without saying anything.

 

 

Like a ninja

I got out of there like nothing fucking happened.. even though I was there for 15 fucking minutes.

I hope no one remembers me.

Weather or not

What kind of weather is a spring/summer?

In my country we only experience 3 seasons.

We have sunny

Just perfect

We have rainy

And we have so fucking hot please kill me now.

Based on true events

As much as I miss home, I am glad I'm out of the country because it's that time of the year.

But now I face a different climate problem.

I thought spring/summer was a perfect time to wear cute dresses and cardigans.

Expectation

But I actually look like the pillsbury dough boy...

Cooooold

Spring/summer is a lie.

The Unhappy Flier

As I pack my bags for a 15(ish) hour flight tomorrow, 

I cannot help but remember the inconveniences of flying.

I hate airplane food.

It's always the same. It doesn't matter what meat it is. It's always almost inedible.

Every fucking time

I hate having to wait in line to use the bathroom.

Then the seatbelt signs turns on and you have to go back.

You gotta be kidding me.

But what I hate the most is this.

I finally get to sleep then this happens...

Eating time yet again.

 I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.

I do not like airplane food.
I do not like them,
fuck you.

And about this TSA pat down shit.

What do I do?

Touch me, touch you.

If everyone was like Lady Gaga

I imagine the world to look like this.

Casual wear would consist of odd clothing and head gear.

Men's clothing and women's clothing would be the same

I guess, even at work.

Your boss

You would get unwanted attention.

Attract animals sexually

And possibly get chased (and/or eaten) by wild animals

Meat shirt

Lastly, eggs as transportation.

Like a rickshaw, but with eggs

That would be interesting I guess..

Kids

I don't know how to handle kids.

I like them, but I have no idea what to do with them.

Maybe it's because I'm the youngest in the family.

I didn't get a chance to take care of someone younger than me.

They seem to like me though.

What you lookin at child?

I have never even carried a baby.

 I'm afraid I would drop it (them or whatever pronoun should be used).

(You see, I can't even properly use kids in a sentence)

People have tried to make me carry one, but I always answer the same.

Break her she said

When I was about 12, my younger cousin wanted to play with me. 

I did and...

it went way worse than expected.

I had no idea kids don't know the concept of jokes.

The Gaydar

Has this ever happened to you?

OMG. Soooo cute.

But then you find out...

Gay as Ricky Martin baby

HE HAS A BOYFRIEND

HOY SHIT BALLS

Don't worry. There is a way to prevent this from happening again.

We present you....

This  technology will tell you nothing but the truth. 

Is he straight? 

Is he gay? 

Or is he somewhere in between?

Meter breakdown

So never fear, The Gaydar is here.

Thank you Gaydar!!

Why do superheroes wear underwear on the outside?

This is a serious question.

Super Douche

Batman, Spiderman, and Superman all do it. But why?

Is it to attract females for alien impregnation?

ooooh pretty!

 Girls love red panties.

Is it for easier urination?

pew pew pew

They could be targeting us right at this very moment for all we know.

 Maybe there are pockets inside and they have an emergency kit.

 

Who needs cellphones when you have coins?

 Or is it to distract supervillians?

Super Douche with Jelly Boy and Lizard Snake