Internship

Right now, my life is like the best episode of a show entitled 

"You Gotta be Fucking Kidding Me."

Why?

Because fuck my internship.

That's why.

Every day feels like this

My duties as an intern includes converting word files to pdf.

And converting more word files to pdf.

 I know it sounds easy, but it's not.

I have to convert them manually one by one.

Why?

Because fuck my internship.

I do this 9 hours a day.

Converting word files to pdf for more than 30 hours a week.

ASS CRAMPS EVERY SINGLE DAY

That's not even the best part of my internship.

Okay, think of the worst job you've ever had in your entire life.

Whether it was working to destroy mankind

Shame on you

Or working as a male stripper in a gay bear bar.

You really had to pay the bills

At least you got paid.

Fly magpie

And I eat off the garbage.

What bullshit.

Whatever.

One day, I'm gonna buy China and conquer the world.

Happy New Year

So, why haven't I been blogging?

For almost an entire year, 

a soul sucking ex-boy cat-octupus-devil monster had been messing with my brain.

True story

Anyway, let's talk about those New Year's lines we always see.

New Year, New Life

You waited for the year to end before you decided to change something. 

And you actually believe that next year, you will be 100 times better than you are right now.

Because anything is possible

Yeah, right. 

New Year, new life is the short version of, 

New Year, will floss for the first 2 weeks of 2013.

This is so easy, why have I been so lazy?

Oh yeah, I remember now. I pay people to fix me.

"Insert bible verse"

And this is my only response to that:

Sure.

Good luck with that.

Be kind to me, 2013.

This is my favorite. 

2013, be kind to me as I choose to do crystal meth and eat dog shit.

And by the end of 2013, Facebook status would be:

L-O-L smiley face

And lastly,

According to Chinese magical dragon voodoo,

those born in the year of 

the unicorn pegasus pony

will have good fortune this year.

Well, that's perfect cause I was born in the year of the magical pony princess.

Ponies, motherfuckers.

Happy New Year!