Holiday Feast

My Christmas always starts the same.

Every year, I would refuse to overeat.

But then an adorable slice of cake begs me to eat it.

I think about it.

I think very hard.

I make my decision.

After a few minutes...

And after that....

Finally..

So to summarize this story,

My Christmas always ends the same too.

Happy Holidays everyone! Eat lots and be merry!

Self Awareness

Everyone unconsciously lie to themselves.

You look at yourself in the mirror and you think "Wow. Not bad at all."

Mirrors lie

So, you go out feeling like a million bucks cause you think look good.

I demand attention commoners!

Then you pose for pictures.

Complete with pouty lips and hand on the hips.

Bitch, I'm fabulous

When the pictures come out..

It's completely different.

My hand wasn't even on my hip

You think,

Since when did I start looking like a crack whore?

The worst kind is when you see a video of yourself.

Your voice that you think is so magnificent, so sweet, and so magical...

I sound like Fergie and Jesus combined

It actually causes brain damage to people and death to animals.

Gifts from Santa

When I was a kid, I would ask Santa for the same thing every year.

A dalmatian.

I believe it was from watching 101 Dalmatians.

Woof woof

I never got a Dalmatian from Santa though.

I guess elves didn't make dogs.

Hammer them heads on the doggies

I still got gifts, but for some reason it was never wrapped.

It was always in a plastic bag with my name on it.

And my name was spelled wrong.

Maybe the elves were excited to take their break so they rushed my gift.

That or my parents don't know my name.

Nah, just kidding.

Everyone knows Santa is real.

(I think I have kid readers)

YAAAAAY!!

Good times.

I still remember my favorite gift from Santa.

It was a pink teddy bear as big as me.

Oh my gosh teddy bear! We're gonna be bestfriends forever!!

Merry Christmas!

Twilight

It's Twilight season!

Personally, I am not a fan of Twilight.

But I don't want to be so negative about it to respect the Twihards Twilight fans.

So I made a list of ways to look at Twilight and make it bearable.

It could be a movie about a love triangle 

between a girl with Asperger's syndrome, a constipated sparkly vampire, and a Llama.

It could be a movie about a horny necrophiliac teenager.

It could be a movie about an overly loving dog.

And lastly,

It' could be a movie about a group of guys who can't afford to buy shirts

Every Person's Worst Nightmare

Just woke up.

Going to brush teeth.

Wrong toothbrush.

Ice Cream

My ice cream cone cut in half.

I felt retarded eating it.

om nom nom nom

Blackout

In my country, blackouts happen once in a while cause of typhoons.

Well, maybe not once in a while cause an average of 19 typhoons enter the Philippines every year so... Anyway!

Bendy tree

Although I am used to living in the darkness due to the internet, blackouts make me go crazy.

I can't imagine living a life without electricity.

What is there to do?

For the 8 hour period that there was a blackout, this is what happened.

Observe dog 

 

Emotional rollercoaster

Time well spent.

Fetch

This is what really happens when you're with your dog.

Dog: Cmon human let's go out for a walk

The dog thinks he's the one walking you.

Dog: Faster human! Faster!

 Then you find a stick and decide to play fetch.

Dog: What now?

Dog: Don't do that human, that's bad.

Dog: Here's your stick. Poor human, doesn't know any better.

And you're gonna throw it again?!

Fuck you human, fuck you.

Girly Man

Out with a girl and you want to order a girly drink.

That's okay, right?

You are with a girl. 

No one would judge you.